Can we just (not) be friends?

Let's face it, there are too many invites on Facebook. I can't keep track of them anymore.

So your dog park is throwing a party — I'm not up for the scooping.

Your nephew turned six — how do I know you again?

Some obscure New York comedian is in town — who?

I realized that my wife could birth a child and, if my only invite is on Facebook, I'll miss the whole thing (thankfully she has other ways of letting me know).

These invites became overwhelming (and now ignored) when I gained a few hundred "friends." That word appears in quotes on purpose. Fess up, can we really call that many people friends? I just don't think it's honest for anyone to say they have "friended" a hundred, even a thousand people. (And does anyone else cringe when friend is used as a verb?)

The people who really are my friends most often didn't need Facebook to know me. I'll bet it's the same for you. I meet most of my friends in some analog fashion. We shake hands. We share stories. We really do for-goodness-sake know each other. Facebook is great for communicating with those people after we've met, but where do the rest fit in?

If you've "friended" me, I'm glad you did. I just think we should use a more accurate word for our relationship, perhaps something like "passerby" or "lurker" or "bar hopper." (You know who you are.) Those labels seem more appropriate for most Facebook relationships that usually aren't very deep. Would it be all that bad to have "acquaintances" and "dude who rides the bus with me" on our Facebook page? I don't think so. After all, it's more accurate than blanketing everyone with the "friend" label. Most of these relationships fit in a category of more personal than "homeless guy" but less personal than "co-worker." So let's just call it what it is.

Because if everybody on the planet is considered a friend, it's easy to understand why I can't keep up with the invitations. How do I know what's important? How do I sift through the countless events to find the ones from real friends? I can't.

So if you invited me to something using Facebook, sorry I missed it. Until Facebook allows me to filter events by "real friend," "sort of a friend" and "who the heck is this?" I'm not sure I'll be able to find your invitation anytime soon. Honestly, I've given up.

To Facebook: If you want me to start paying attention to invitations again, can we just (not) be friends?


Next week I'll pose the question:
What if the only people paying attention to us online are the people we already know? (And the weirdoes, of course.)